The Confident You: Why Most Leadership Advice Is Rubbish and What Actually Works

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Right, let's cut through the nonsense. I've been watching executives stumble around boardrooms in Sydney and Melbourne for the better part of two decades, and I'm sick of the same recycled confidence drivel being peddled by consultants who've never actually had to fire someone on Christmas Eve or explain to a room full of shareholders why profits are down 40%.

The confidence industry is worth billions globally. Billions! And yet every second manager I meet still breaks into a cold sweat when they need to give feedback to their team. Something's not adding up here.

What They Don't Tell You About Confidence

Here's my first controversial opinion: confidence isn't something you build through positive affirmations or power poses in the bathroom mirror. That's Instagram psychology at best. Real confidence comes from competence, and competence comes from making mistakes and learning to fix them quickly.

I learned this the hard way when I completely botched a major client presentation in 2009. Standing there in front of the Rio Tinto executives, I realised halfway through that I'd prepared for the wrong meeting entirely. Instead of crumbling, I stopped mid-sentence and said, "Right, I've stuffed this up completely. Give me five minutes to reset and I'll show you what you actually need to see."

They respected the honesty more than any slick presentation would have impressed them. Got the contract too.

The problem with most leadership skills training is that it treats confidence like a performance rather than a practical skill. You can't fake genuine self-assurance, and frankly, most people can spot a fraud from across the office.

The Three Pillars That Actually Matter

Know Your Stuff

This seems obvious, but you'd be amazed how many senior managers wing it constantly. In my experience, about 60% of workplace anxiety stems from people being promoted beyond their technical competence and then spending all their energy covering up knowledge gaps instead of filling them.

I once worked with a finance director who was brilliant with numbers but couldn't explain a P&L statement to save his life. His confidence issues weren't personality-based; he just needed better communication training. Six months later, he was running town halls like a natural.

Accept That You'll Stuff Things Up

Second controversial opinion: the most confident people I know are also the quickest to admit when they're wrong. This flies in the face of everything we're taught about leadership, but it's absolutely true.

There's something incredibly liberating about saying "I don't know" or "I made a mistake" early and often. It removes the enormous pressure of having to be perfect all the time, which frankly is exhausting and impossible anyway.

Stop Trying to Please Everyone

This one's particularly hard for Australians because we're naturally conflict-averse. But here's the thing - if you're making decisions that everyone loves, you're probably not making any real decisions at all.

The best leaders I've worked with have clear values and stick to them, even when it's unpopular. They understand that respect matters more than being liked, and that sometimes being respected means disappointing people in the short term.

Why Most Confidence Training Fails

The confidence workshop industry has a fundamental flaw: it treats confidence as a one-size-fits-all solution. But confidence looks different depending on your role, your industry, and honestly, your personality.

A successful tradie needs a different type of confidence than a corporate lawyer. The tradie needs practical problem-solving confidence - the ability to look at a job, quote it accurately, and deliver quality work on time. The lawyer needs intellectual confidence - the ability to argue complex points and navigate ambiguous situations.

Yet most training programs serve up the same generic advice about standing tall and speaking up. It's like giving everyone the same prescription glasses and expecting them all to see clearly.

The Australian Advantage

Here's something I've noticed after working with international teams: Australians actually have a natural advantage when it comes to authentic confidence. Our cultural tendency toward self-deprecation and straight talking creates a foundation for genuine leadership that many other cultures struggle with.

We're naturally suspicious of people who big-note themselves too much, which means when an Australian leader does show confidence, it tends to be the real deal rather than bluster.

The challenge is that many of our professionals have been trained out of this advantage by American-style business schools and imported management consultants who don't understand that what works in Manhattan doesn't necessarily translate to Macquarie Street.

Practical Steps That Actually Work

Start Small and Build Evidence

Instead of trying to transform yourself overnight, pick one area where you can demonstrate competence quickly. Maybe it's mastering a new software system or becoming the go-to person for industry regulations. Build a reputation for reliability in that area first.

Success breeds confidence more effectively than any mindset work ever will. When you know you're genuinely good at something, it shows in how you carry yourself.

Get Comfortable with Discomfort

The most confident people aren't those who never feel nervous; they're the ones who feel nervous and do the thing anyway. This is particularly relevant for supervisory training situations where new managers need to have difficult conversations with team members.

Practice having uncomfortable conversations in low-stakes situations. Return a meal at a restaurant. Negotiate with a supplier. Ask for a discount. The muscle memory of navigating awkward moments will serve you well when the stakes are higher.

Document Your Wins

Keep a record of times when your judgement was right, when your decisions worked out, when people thanked you for your input. This isn't about ego; it's about building an evidence base you can draw on during moments of self-doubt.

I keep a simple note on my phone where I jot down positive feedback or successful outcomes. On rough days, scrolling through that list reminds me that I'm not completely hopeless, even when it feels like it.

The Confidence Paradox

Here's the thing that really gets me about confidence advice: the people who need it most are often the ones who deserve it most. The managers who worry about their performance are usually the ones doing the best job, while the overconfident ones are making terrible decisions with complete certainty.

Imposter syndrome isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's your brain correctly identifying that you need to lift your game. The trick is learning to distinguish between productive self-awareness and destructive self-doubt.

Most of the executives I respect most still feel like they're figuring it out as they go along. The difference is they've learned to be comfortable with that uncertainty and to make good decisions despite it, not because they've eliminated it.

What Success Actually Looks Like

Real confidence in business isn't about never feeling uncertain. It's about being uncertain and moving forward anyway, making the best decision you can with the information available, and adjusting course when new information comes to light.

It's about saying "I don't know, but I'll find out" instead of bluffing your way through meetings. It's about admitting when your initial approach isn't working and trying something different. It's about focusing on getting results rather than looking impressive.

The most confident leaders I know are also the most curious, the most willing to ask questions, and the most comfortable saying they need help. They understand that confidence isn't about having all the answers; it's about being resourceful enough to find them.

Stop trying to fake it until you make it. Start building genuine competence in areas that matter to your role and your industry. The confidence will follow naturally, and it'll be the kind that actually serves you and your team well.

Because at the end of the day, people don't follow confident leaders. They follow competent ones who happen to be confident about their competence. There's a massive difference, and once you understand it, everything else becomes much clearer.